I’m an unapologetic bachelor and I’m sorry that I’m not sorry about my single lifestyle.
If there’s anything my experiences have taught me, most married men regret getting married and most never stop chasing women.
Maybe this idiot who calls himself the African bachelor is too much to be contained in a marriage. Maybe I will get married one day.
Until then, I want to introduce you to a list of all the reasons why I love being a bachelor.
Enjoy this list and please do pass it on to your single friends or to your married ones who miss the single life.
- You can eat all the jollof rice you want for breakfast, lunch, and dinner
- You are allowed to carry more than 3 boxes of party food home, no questions asked
- Speaking of party food, you will receive pity from the older women and they will pack more food for you. All you have to do is look sad and stare at the jollof rice and kebabs
- You don’t have to scare anyone with your morning face and you don’t have to worry about being scared
- If anyone criticizes your driving, you can tell them to get out of the car
- You don’t have to panic when your phone rings after 9 pm
- You can comment in peace on the social media posts of your hot female friends
- You never have to own or drive a minivan. Yayyyyy!
- Your bathroom drain will never get choked with Brazilian hair
- You can watch *ahem* rated movies uninterrupted
- You can flirt with anyone without feeling guilty
- No in-laws. No need to elaborate on that one
- Depending on who you marry, you may start paying school fees before you have your own kids
- You never have to delete your internet history. Sweet!
- You don’t have to lie to anyone. What a relief!
- You never have to worry about someone throwing a frying pan at your head when you open your door
- You can take comfort in watching hot women wobble at weddings for as long as you like
- You get to do house chores naked
- You can watch football all day. No one fights with you over the remote. Pure bliss!
- You don’t have to panic about forgetting birthdays and anniversaries
- You won’t have only married friends. That sh*t must be annoying
- You can lie in bed in the morning for as long as you like without anyone bugging you
- You can eat cereal in the morning without brushing your teeth
- You don’t have to make up your bed every morning or change the sheets. What’s the point?
- You don’t have to worry about anyone complaining about keeping your clean laundry in the basket for weeks. I hate folding clothes!
- You don’t have to worry about any surprises when you open up the toilet seat
- You can buy any grown-up toys you want without checking with anyone
- Your cash is all yours and you don’t have to share
- You can stay in the shower for as long as you want
- You can sing in the shower as loud as you want
- You don’t have to buy the same boring valentine’s gifts year after year
- You can spread all over your bed
- No one will eat the Golden Tree chocolate you’ve saved in the refrigerator
- No one complains about the dirty floors at your place. You clean when you want
- You can stay at work for as long as you want. No annoying calls from honey about when you’re getting home for dinner
- You can stay out with your friends as long as you want
- No one will use your toothbrush by accident or drop it in the toilet
- You can eat late at night without feeling guilty
- You can scream at the TV while watching football without scaring anyone
- You can listen to your own music tunes and no one messes with the radio stations in your car
- You know exactly how much money you have in your bank account
- You don’t have to share wardrobe space
- You don’t have to sit through those dreadful chick flicks and shows. No, thank you!
- A fight won’t end up with you sleeping on the couch
- Having married men admit that they’re jealous of your single life feels nice!
- The silence and the peace of mind feels like heaven
- You don’t have to delete your texts and call logs
- You never have to buy air freshers. You can stink up the place all you want
- Lust won’t last forever. You don’t have to imagine sleeping with the same person for eternity
- You never have to ask, “honey, are you okay?” No unexplainable mood swings to deal with.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not trying to shame husbands and fathers. I’m simply defending the men who can’t see themselves handcuffed to a wedding band.
If you put a ring on it, keep it on. For everyone else, I have this verse to share:
1 Corinthians 7
8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
By Kwadjo Panyin