You Know You are in Ghana when…

  1. You know you are in Ghana when street lights are visible decorations by day and invisible shadows by night.
  2. You know you are in Ghana when ambulances carry dead people leisurely from the hospitals whilst taxis carry sick people hurriedly to the hospitals.
  3. You know you are in Ghana when a politician pays you to get him into office only for you to pay him when he gets out of office.
  4. You know you are in Ghana when politicians ask what their country can do for them instead of asking what they can do for their country.
  5. You know you are in Ghana when you wonder whether the spokespersons for the big men speak with them before speaking for them.
  6. You know you are in Ghana when the Fire Service rushes to the scene of a fire only to realise they have no water in the Fire tender to put out the fire.
  7. You know you are in Ghana when the Fire Service uses water to fight every kind of fire.
  8. You know you are in Ghana when high rise buildings come up every month when we do know the Fire Service cannot fight fire above the fourth storey.
  9. You know you are in Ghana when police cars with siren blaring are full of people going to a wedding.
  10. You know you are in Ghana when the policeman asks you for the torchlight in your car at noon.
  11. You know you are in Ghana when the policeman gives you all the reasons why he should not take you to court for a traffic offence.
  12. You know you are in Ghana when a customs officer says to you, “$20 is not enough because we all have to share”.
  13. You know you are in Ghana when a 60 year-old man is introduced as the Chairman of the Asikuma Youth Association.
  14. You know you are in Ghana when the toll booth on the motorway is closed for maintenance at 7 a.m.
  15. You know you are in Ghana when a motorway still continues being referred to as a motorway when it has clearly become a street.
  16. You know you are in Ghana when a driver reverses on a motorway.
  17. You know you are in Ghana when potholes on a motorway built with concrete are patched with coal tar.
  18. You know you are in Ghana when prime time on radio is used to discuss the meaning of an insult.
  19. You know you are in Ghana when a person uninterested in a political position still stands for elections due to the pressure of the masses.
  20. You know you are in Ghana when a person graduating from a tertiary institution would have probably gone through a minimum of four graduations earlier on, the first one being at the prime age of five years.
  21. You know you are in Ghana when the Head of State states that religious leaders have more power and authority than he has.
  22. You know you are in Ghana when anointing oil develops a flash point lower than most combustible materials.
  23. You know you are in Ghana when the headline of a major newspaper has an error.
  24. You know you are in Ghana when the headline of a story is written a week before the story develops and the two have nothing in common.
  25. You know you are in Ghana when journalists, like sign writers, do not use dictionaries.
  26. You know you are in Ghana when herbalists weave their submissions with Scripture verses, even when they do not believe the other parts of the Bible.
  27. You know you are in Ghana when all alcoholic drinks are aphrodisiacs.
  28. You know you are in Ghana when a four year-old’s response to the question: ‎”Who put off the lights?” is “President Atta-Mills eh?”
  29. You know you are in Ghana when nobody dies a natural death.
  30. You know you are in Ghana when the cab driver accelerates when the traffic light is amber.
  31. You know you are in Ghana when the driver pushes the ‘NO STOPPING’ sign post down and parks right at that very spot.
  32. You know you are in Ghana when drivers do a U-turn in the middle of a T-junction.
  33. You know you are in Ghana when a pastor can actually say on radio that he will put a curse on someone for being insolent to him.
  34. You know you are in Ghana when someone feels insulted after asking him, “What do you mean?”
  35. You know you are in Ghana when a census enumeration officer asks you, “Your wife, is she married?”
  36. You know you are in Ghana when you hear names of football clubs like Asante Akyem Weder Bremen, Gomoa Dominase Everton, Betomu Hull City, Sefwi Wiaso Barcelona, Patase Milan.
  37. You know you are in Ghana when you are branded ‘too known’ for insisting the right things must be done.
  38. You know you are in Ghana when you hear bus stops names like ‘Basket’, ‘Potholes’, Tiafiεehe’, ‘Anduemli’.
  39. You know you are in Ghana when you need permission from land guards before you build your own house.
  40. You know you are in Ghana when the total cost of building a house includes the cost of keeping a land guard.
  41. You know you are in Ghana when a person accuses another of corruption without proof and insists the accused must provide evidence to show his innocence.
  42. You know you are in Ghana when a worker who is already late for work stops to converse.
  43. You know you are in Ghana when you have an appointment with someone at 10 a.m. he comes in at 12 noon, smiling.
  44. You know you are in Ghana when a person is deemed guilty until he is proven innocent.
  45. You know you are in Ghana when you pay water bills, but don’t get water flowing through the taps and every house has a Polytank.
  46. You know you are in Ghana when there’s a thunderstorm and you start praying that the electricity won’t go off.
  47. You know you are in Ghana when even plush residential areas have untarred roads and kiosks littered all over.
  48. You know you are in Ghana when you laugh about serious issues to keep your sanity.
  49. You know you are in Ghana when you laugh to prevent you from crying.
  50. You know you are in Ghana when you read this, shake your head and smile.
  51. Because you know, only in Ghana can you not have a dull day!

By: Nana Awere Damoah
Author, I Speak of Ghana

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